Oh Geeze... I'm not sure about this ... I guess we'll see. I'm scared its gonna fail but I gotta try...
I'm now pretty positive that Amy is the only person who reads my blog due to the lack of comments but then again I tend to post a little more than the rest of you... like 900% more LOL!!
SO the impossible has happened. Starting to seem like I should no longer refer to anything as impossible because then it happens and I look retarded. I'm gonna go lick windows after I finish this post ;-) try and get THAT image out of your head....
Am I rambling??? It seems like I might be rambling....
Anyway so Alana and I have been texting each other and of course talking to me in her blog via the refer-to-what-I've-said-method that we both use (Shit. I am rambling...) AND its looking more and more like we might actually try hanging out again. The first test is coming up on saturday when we will be at the Young Dubs concert. I'm a little paranoid and really unsure if this is gonna be fly... I don't know if she can be trusted (Team Jon?) and I don't want to hear about how absolutely in LOVE love love LOVE her and eric are. Its a little bit like when you are broke and eating mac and cheese but someone keeps telling you how fabulous the steak is, ya know?? I'm happy for her and I hope-please-god-let-it-be-true that its as wonderful as she says BUT it's wierd!!!
For instance I know Seth and Amy are in love with each other and happy together but Amy isn't always TELLING me ... So are Deb and Jeff, and so are Dave and Ness and I'm happy for those couples, really and for truly... but I like seeing it for myself instead of being TOLD... the way Dave takes care of the baby and lets ness have a break or the way seth pulls amy away from the group and cuddles her... or the pictures of Jeff doing debbies taxes cuz she's dainty (LOL, Deb I think you are awesome! I'm dainty... will jeff do my taxes??) .... ANYWAY That shows love!
HA... I guess I am rambling... Damn... ;-D
Showing posts with label SrSlY DrAmA. Show all posts
Showing posts with label SrSlY DrAmA. Show all posts
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
What happened??
STOLEN FROM ALANAS BLOG
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Therapy
I guess I see this blog as therapy.
It's who I talk to when I feel like I have nobody to talk to.
I need to talk.
This week my issue is friends.
Apparently I have a very different idea of friendship than some people.That isn't a bad thing, just a difference of opinion.I went for years with nobody. All the years we lived in California I was, for all intents and purposes, friendless. It was Scott and I. And that was it. I went to school, and I had school friends. You know the ones you hang out with while in class and buddy up with in lab, but they weren't people I hung out with or even talked to outside of school. I worked all day taking care of the twins, then I went to school until 10 at night, went home and went to bed. We did fun stuff on the weekends together. That was my life for 3 years. When we moved back to California it was the same story all over again. I worked full time, had people at work I was pals with, but not that I hung out with after. Then I had Lizzie and I pretty much stayed at home with her alone all day for 3 years. I joined the MOMS club about a month before I found out we were moving. met a couple people I really liked but didn't bother getting to know because I knew we were leaving.
We cam back to Utah but lived in Ogden which made spending time with friends difficult unless we were willing to drive to SL every day.For a while I had someone I considered a "best" friend. Someone I talked to every day... usually 4 or 5 times. Someone I shared history with. Someone who I felt knew me well and cared. Sadly I always felt like I invested more in the relationship that she did. I always felt like I was not as "good" a friend to her as she was to me. She had 75 other best friends too. I only had her. There were people in her life that were favored over me.. people I liked, people I was friends with, but that she would push me aside when they were around. That always hurt me a lot. I had other friends too.. but they were all made through her. So when our friendship ended so did all the others. The thing that hurt more than anything else was the knowledge that my absence in her life is nothing to her.I'm not going to lie and say I don't miss having that friendship. That history. The inside jokes etc. etc. I miss having someone who enjoyed the same things, the concerts and parades.. who understood me and my quirks.
I don't miss the drama. I don't miss being the one she recruited to hate all her enemies for her. I don't miss the mis-trust. It sucks that the one "girlfriend" I've ever had I never totally 100% trusted (and that trust issue proved to be completely realized when the divorce happened and things that were told in confidence were repeated to Scott). But I was so desperate to have that relationship that I put up with it.so anyway long story.. um.. longer.I've been feeling sad of late that I lost all my "friends". This was precipitated by a visit from some friends from out of town that stayed with Scott and I wasn't invited or allowed to see. It hurt. A lot.Eric argues that I have a TON of online friends..and friends from High School that I talk to frequently through Facebook,and go out with on occasion. But to me that's not a BEST FRIEND. That isn't someone who knows all my deep darks. Someone who I can say 'dirty llama' to and they know what I mean and willl laugh like a loon with me about it. You know?I guess my life isn't horrible without that kind of friend. I honestly went a long time without one and survived.
Eric says "go out and make new friends". I want to know how the hell to do that. I work full time, then I go home and either take care of the house or my kid. When do I have time to go this mystical friend store and find someone? And another thing: Women my age.. pretty much all have life long bosom friends already. I am the exception, as usual. I could find a million people to have a casual friendship with, but honestly where the hell am I gonna find a new best friend? Do I really need to? Is it just as good to have a bunch of buddies as opposed to ONE best friend?ARGH....Why am I so difficult?
Posted by Alana at 1:24 PM 5 comments
Labels: rollercoasters
MamaBear said...
you're still MY BFF furrever anever anever amen! (i can hear you shrieking at that, truly i can.)seriously. been waiting for you to ask me to matron of honor for ya again.but truly seriously, i kwym all too well. finding that bff furrever is close to impossible. that's why i won't let you go, however close to stalkerism that may sound. all my very bffs were made ages ago. who has room in their life for one more commitment?i'm looking for activities that will open up the opportunity that is my BFF, but i don't have applicants jumping at the chance quite yet. you're still gold! (((hugs)))
4:24 PM MST
Lorene said...
My redheaded, hot tempered, beautiful friend.....what am I ever going to do with you??? BFF's do not necessarily have to be people that you see all the time, hang out with all the time, nothing like that. One of my BFF's I see very infrequently and we e-mail all the time. I also have a BFF in a completely different state...haven't seen her in over 8 years but we love each other just the same. And lady, there is NOTHING wrong with you at all! You are awesome, strong, determined, beautiful, and a joy to have in my life. I am grateful each and every day for us finding each other again.Now pull yourself up, dust off your chin, and STOP BEING BLUE!!
12:24 PM MST
Anonymous said...
Hello Dahlink,I just recently joined the "use the blog as therapy" world myself. My daughter is a part of me and I tell her things that I can't tell anyone else but some stuff is TMI, TMI, TMI for her.I have maybe two BFF's One I would trust with anything or anyone. She lives in Murray and I see her a few times a year and we don't have much contact by phone or email but I know if I called her she would be there if I had a need.My other BFF lives in California. She used to live in Ogden and it was great, we had so much time together and then she moved away. I call her a BFF even though she told one of my secrets once and cause a lot of pain to a lot of people so I can't tell her anything I wouldn't want on the front page of the paper but somehow I still love her. I call her a BFF but I don't trust her any further than I can throw her (and she's a big girl) so maybe I am just really stretching the definition of BFF. Everyone else I know is just someone I know. I wouldn't even call them friends really. It's pretty much K-Dawg and me.After I pull myself out of the hole I currently reside in maybe we can spend some time together. I know what the dirty llama means!xoxo
2:39 PM MST
SurprisingWoman said...
I shouldn't have been shown as anon, I don't know what happened. It's just me. :)
2:40 PM MST
T-I-double g er said...
You know what sucks? I wish it was really that easy.I wish I could forget how much fun we had together... I mean OMG the roadtrip is forever burned into my brain and I'll never ever forget that it was too windy to pee on the side of the road so we decided to try and take pictures of us doing "rock star jumps" off the boulders on the side of the road... Seriously who are either of us going to find to do that with?? No one will ever understand"I'M PISSED OOOOOOFF!!!!!"
BUT there are somethings that were def off kilter with us. You say that I recruited you to hate my enemys? #1 yes I bitched to you when I was pissed at someone. I told you just about every thought that went through my stupid little head. I thought that's what friends are for... apparently I was wrong. #2 You did the same thing to me... every time you were pissed off at your dad or brothers or sister or mom or scott or whoever you happened to be mad at you told me all about it and expected me to be sympathetic... AND I WAS! To me that's not a big deal.
As for Missa and Pete you could have come up to the house and seen them. Or you could have told her you wanted her to come have dinner with you and eric.. hell you could have even invited Jon to dinner and you wouldn't have felt bad about that too. Its not like I was going to stand in the background and pull faces at you. And even if I did, who cares?? If you think that I'm not sad that I'm not going to the young dubs concert to rock out in the front row, or that I have NO ONE IN THE WORLD to empathize with that Steve has officially left BNL, or that I might accidentally see you at the St. Patricks day parade and it will be awkward, or that I don't feel like I can comment on all the hilarious things that brenda says either on her blog or yours, You would be wrong.I'm just sorry that apparently you never saw/felt/believed how much I really truly loved you and saw you as a sister.
5:19 PM MST
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Therapy
I guess I see this blog as therapy.
It's who I talk to when I feel like I have nobody to talk to.
I need to talk.
This week my issue is friends.
Apparently I have a very different idea of friendship than some people.That isn't a bad thing, just a difference of opinion.I went for years with nobody. All the years we lived in California I was, for all intents and purposes, friendless. It was Scott and I. And that was it. I went to school, and I had school friends. You know the ones you hang out with while in class and buddy up with in lab, but they weren't people I hung out with or even talked to outside of school. I worked all day taking care of the twins, then I went to school until 10 at night, went home and went to bed. We did fun stuff on the weekends together. That was my life for 3 years. When we moved back to California it was the same story all over again. I worked full time, had people at work I was pals with, but not that I hung out with after. Then I had Lizzie and I pretty much stayed at home with her alone all day for 3 years. I joined the MOMS club about a month before I found out we were moving. met a couple people I really liked but didn't bother getting to know because I knew we were leaving.
We cam back to Utah but lived in Ogden which made spending time with friends difficult unless we were willing to drive to SL every day.For a while I had someone I considered a "best" friend. Someone I talked to every day... usually 4 or 5 times. Someone I shared history with. Someone who I felt knew me well and cared. Sadly I always felt like I invested more in the relationship that she did. I always felt like I was not as "good" a friend to her as she was to me. She had 75 other best friends too. I only had her. There were people in her life that were favored over me.. people I liked, people I was friends with, but that she would push me aside when they were around. That always hurt me a lot. I had other friends too.. but they were all made through her. So when our friendship ended so did all the others. The thing that hurt more than anything else was the knowledge that my absence in her life is nothing to her.I'm not going to lie and say I don't miss having that friendship. That history. The inside jokes etc. etc. I miss having someone who enjoyed the same things, the concerts and parades.. who understood me and my quirks.
I don't miss the drama. I don't miss being the one she recruited to hate all her enemies for her. I don't miss the mis-trust. It sucks that the one "girlfriend" I've ever had I never totally 100% trusted (and that trust issue proved to be completely realized when the divorce happened and things that were told in confidence were repeated to Scott). But I was so desperate to have that relationship that I put up with it.so anyway long story.. um.. longer.I've been feeling sad of late that I lost all my "friends". This was precipitated by a visit from some friends from out of town that stayed with Scott and I wasn't invited or allowed to see. It hurt. A lot.Eric argues that I have a TON of online friends..and friends from High School that I talk to frequently through Facebook,and go out with on occasion. But to me that's not a BEST FRIEND. That isn't someone who knows all my deep darks. Someone who I can say 'dirty llama' to and they know what I mean and willl laugh like a loon with me about it. You know?I guess my life isn't horrible without that kind of friend. I honestly went a long time without one and survived.
Eric says "go out and make new friends". I want to know how the hell to do that. I work full time, then I go home and either take care of the house or my kid. When do I have time to go this mystical friend store and find someone? And another thing: Women my age.. pretty much all have life long bosom friends already. I am the exception, as usual. I could find a million people to have a casual friendship with, but honestly where the hell am I gonna find a new best friend? Do I really need to? Is it just as good to have a bunch of buddies as opposed to ONE best friend?ARGH....Why am I so difficult?
Posted by Alana at 1:24 PM 5 comments
Labels: rollercoasters
MamaBear said...
you're still MY BFF furrever anever anever amen! (i can hear you shrieking at that, truly i can.)seriously. been waiting for you to ask me to matron of honor for ya again.but truly seriously, i kwym all too well. finding that bff furrever is close to impossible. that's why i won't let you go, however close to stalkerism that may sound. all my very bffs were made ages ago. who has room in their life for one more commitment?i'm looking for activities that will open up the opportunity that is my BFF, but i don't have applicants jumping at the chance quite yet. you're still gold! (((hugs)))
4:24 PM MST
Lorene said...
My redheaded, hot tempered, beautiful friend.....what am I ever going to do with you??? BFF's do not necessarily have to be people that you see all the time, hang out with all the time, nothing like that. One of my BFF's I see very infrequently and we e-mail all the time. I also have a BFF in a completely different state...haven't seen her in over 8 years but we love each other just the same. And lady, there is NOTHING wrong with you at all! You are awesome, strong, determined, beautiful, and a joy to have in my life. I am grateful each and every day for us finding each other again.Now pull yourself up, dust off your chin, and STOP BEING BLUE!!
12:24 PM MST
Anonymous said...
Hello Dahlink,I just recently joined the "use the blog as therapy" world myself. My daughter is a part of me and I tell her things that I can't tell anyone else but some stuff is TMI, TMI, TMI for her.I have maybe two BFF's One I would trust with anything or anyone. She lives in Murray and I see her a few times a year and we don't have much contact by phone or email but I know if I called her she would be there if I had a need.My other BFF lives in California. She used to live in Ogden and it was great, we had so much time together and then she moved away. I call her a BFF even though she told one of my secrets once and cause a lot of pain to a lot of people so I can't tell her anything I wouldn't want on the front page of the paper but somehow I still love her. I call her a BFF but I don't trust her any further than I can throw her (and she's a big girl) so maybe I am just really stretching the definition of BFF. Everyone else I know is just someone I know. I wouldn't even call them friends really. It's pretty much K-Dawg and me.After I pull myself out of the hole I currently reside in maybe we can spend some time together. I know what the dirty llama means!xoxo
2:39 PM MST
SurprisingWoman said...
I shouldn't have been shown as anon, I don't know what happened. It's just me. :)
2:40 PM MST
T-I-double g er said...
You know what sucks? I wish it was really that easy.I wish I could forget how much fun we had together... I mean OMG the roadtrip is forever burned into my brain and I'll never ever forget that it was too windy to pee on the side of the road so we decided to try and take pictures of us doing "rock star jumps" off the boulders on the side of the road... Seriously who are either of us going to find to do that with?? No one will ever understand"I'M PISSED OOOOOOFF!!!!!"
BUT there are somethings that were def off kilter with us. You say that I recruited you to hate my enemys? #1 yes I bitched to you when I was pissed at someone. I told you just about every thought that went through my stupid little head. I thought that's what friends are for... apparently I was wrong. #2 You did the same thing to me... every time you were pissed off at your dad or brothers or sister or mom or scott or whoever you happened to be mad at you told me all about it and expected me to be sympathetic... AND I WAS! To me that's not a big deal.
As for Missa and Pete you could have come up to the house and seen them. Or you could have told her you wanted her to come have dinner with you and eric.. hell you could have even invited Jon to dinner and you wouldn't have felt bad about that too. Its not like I was going to stand in the background and pull faces at you. And even if I did, who cares?? If you think that I'm not sad that I'm not going to the young dubs concert to rock out in the front row, or that I have NO ONE IN THE WORLD to empathize with that Steve has officially left BNL, or that I might accidentally see you at the St. Patricks day parade and it will be awkward, or that I don't feel like I can comment on all the hilarious things that brenda says either on her blog or yours, You would be wrong.I'm just sorry that apparently you never saw/felt/believed how much I really truly loved you and saw you as a sister.
5:19 PM MST
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